My life is great I’ve allowed myself to learn to let go. (letting go of the past)
I’ve been through so many experiences so many lows and highs through work through relationship from my childhood to adulthood. From leaving home at 16 to my lil sis passing away at the age of 40 from Cancer and MS to leaving England and my beautiful kids aged 12 and 17 and my 18-year marriage,
I had an opportunity to work in Australia, so I took it. When you lose somebody in life your eyes are wide open to change, and opportunities and life suddenly feels simple again. I had a new partner girlfriend life looked to be exciting. However.
To be honest I’ve been asked to right this down as sharing true stories is the modern world,
I’m finding it damn hard and can feel the heartache flooding back as if it where the day I said sorry and goodbye to Alisa and James.
I was 42 years old the saddest and most powerful memory is when I had to say goodbye to my kids Ive already put them through a shit load of pain with the rows and arguments at the end of the marriage I hurt everybody the women that stood by me through all of those years, my mum my dad who told me and rightly how disappointed he was in me which was at the times the emotions of the current time and how id let my kids down.
We chose to say goodbye away from the house as we didn’t want that traumatic memory to stain the area that they live. We went by the river Thames with a soft surrounding of trees bright green grass and the beautiful swans drifting along the river.
The car journey getting there was about 20 minutes and the longest 20 minutes of any bodies life. Imagine what the poor kids where going through knowing they was going to say goodbye to there dad who they loved so dearly their hearts ripped out there pain the hope that it wasn’t going to happen, the fear of not being able to change anything, there last hug there eyes full of tears and there dad walking away gut wrenching tears flooding down my face.
My daughter to this day still feels the pain that I have inflicted on her and although I have been back to the UK and had holidays with my kids at least once and sometimes twice a year, I’ve not seen them now for 16 months and recently my daughter called me to tell me how much she is still hurting and needs to talk more often o help her get through this pain. So obviously we are working through this together.
So, I settled in Aus. with a great job my stay for the first 6 weeks was near chapel street and we partied every night literally. We then found a Big house to rent over lake, Life was great. Then life with the new GF turned pair shape and she fled back to the uk leaving without telling me and she was pregnant.
For the next 4 years was awesome, well at the time I thought it was. I partied most weekends, played heaps of golf and pool Drank loads which became a routine (Which I thought I was in control of) I had a decent job Was earning decent money and dating from site to site. So, had loads of dates.
I was jack the lad nice car nice house, decent job. Money in my pocket and nobody to tell me what to do.
Reality I was on a rebound. I was happy at the time but lost at the same time. I was scared I would end up alone in life, my x told me I would die a lonely old man, and at the time I thought she was right, I had no direction, no plan, but why did I need direction? Life would always be like this right?
Na that wasn’t true. 90% of my friends went back to the UK except the 2 best friends I have now,
So, I decided I needed to get myself sorted and stop wasting money on temporary fun. I placed a deposit on a new build and moved into my first house in Oz within the year. I slowed down the booze and started training again. It wasn’t consistent, and it wasn’t making a massive difference in myself, but I was giving it a go. I was a typical newbie to the gym lifting weights over my limit and without form. Ha ha we’ve all done this yeah?
I caught up with Vesna after a year from our last contact. We had coffee, she kept hounding me to go to the gym and eventually she won. I went to the gym, lasted 15 minutes of cardio, before I was on the floor gasping for air and life literally. Several visits after my fitness got better, life with Vesna was great, drinking disappeared, food was great, and I decided this was the life I love. I did cert 3 and 4 in group and personal training, I did MP 1 for metabolic precision level 1 in boxing, and currently working through a diploma in yoga and several other courses whilst working full time.
Vesna and I got closer she then moved in and I must say I’m the happiest I’ve been since being in Au.
We have bought our second house together and started our business Body Intuition Fitness. This week we have leased a gym, started to inspire others to be reborn again. Living this new life and having these opportunities makes me feel fricken awesome. Now is the time to stop hiding and open the box of inspiration to my fellow men and women who have been through the traumatic process of separation, who are now trying to find their way back into their new life.